I’ve been unemployed for nearly four months. On a whim i quit my job with the intent of immediately starting at a new one, blaming my place of work for all of my problems in life. So you could imagine my surprise when three days later I did get another job and was even more anxious than before, having to meet new people and start something, in my mind, completely foreign. This is when you could say I was at my worst with no will to do anything. I was the epitome of a basket case. A few weeks of feeling sorry for myself, believing nothing would ever get better, in and out of the emergency room, I vowed I would never find my way back to that dark place. I decided to work on myself... jobless. Don’t get me wrong, I still searched for a job, quite a bit, but the timing of year, and the industry I am in, it was difficult. I let it get me down some days, and blamed myself for being unemployable quite a bit but I tried not to let it deter me from my ultimate goal. To get on some sort of path to a healthier lifestyle. I went on countless (some completely ridiculous) interviews and was actually hired at quite a few places but each time I went to go to that job, I just felt it wasn’t the right time. It’s such a difficult thing to get yourself into some sort of routine and have to engage in something else and alter that routine. Part of it is fear of having to pick up something new and meet an entirely new staff. The largest part was just not being mentally ready to go back to work. Four months ago my job did have a lot to do with how unhappy I was. They put a large emphasis on how you look and not enough of the job that you do. Some unfortunate mishaps happened between management and I and it was much better to exit with my dignity in tact. I was lucky enough to find support in those around me willing to help and standing by me when I said I just wasn’t ready to head back into the working life. The thing with me and work is that I put all of my passion and energy into what I’m doing. Whatever is in my best interest falls by the way side and the word “no” no longer is a part of my vocabulary. I put too much determination into something that wont ever be my career and I allow it to be a reason for engaging in harmful behaviour. If I’m working so much I tell myself I don’t have time to eat and thats okay. If something went wrong it’s my fault and I should be punished. If I say no, I’ll be fired. I’m slowly coming in to my own and coming to terms with that things go bad, but it’s not the end of the world.
So what have I been doing to pass my time? Looking for more productive ways to find happiness but of course. Setting up some sort of plan to find recovery. Relishing in the simple things, and learning money isn't everything. I question what my passions are, and just relax. Quitting my job was a huge risk for me because working constantly was all I ever knew and kept me busy and focused, allowing me not to pay attention to anything else. I'm in the middle of questioning my beliefs, god, and spirituality and have come up with maybe an answer most wouldn't agree with. I've delved into politics and am slowly learning a bit about it... I think? It really just hurts my head. I'm enrolled in school for September and can't be more excited about. Decided if I'll be heading to Bali or New York (my soulmate) in August. I'm looking forward to the future and can't wait for life to really begin. Quitting my job was probably the best thing I could have done. I'm ready to go back now and it couldn't have happened at a better time. I've found the perfect job that I am ecstatic to begin.
So I guess everything really does happen for a reason.
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