Happy Fathers Day... (Even To The Non-Dads)

 Missing You

No words I write can ever say

How much I miss you every day. 

As time goes by, the loneliness grows; 

How I miss you, nobody knows! 

I think of you in silence, 

I often speak your name,

But all I have are memories 

And photos in a frame. 

No one knows my sorrow, 

No one sees me weep, 

But the love I have for you

Is in my heart to keep. 

I've never stopped loving you

I'm sure I never will;

Deep inside my heart,

You are with me still. 

Heartaches in this world are many

But mine is worse than any. 

My heart still aches as I whisper low,

"I need you and I miss you so." 

The things we feel so deeply 

Are often the hardest to say, 

But I just can't keep quiet any more, 

So I'll tell you anyway.

There is a place in my heart

That no one else can fill; 

I love you so, Dad, 

And I always will. 

Author Unknown

   Time Doesn't heal all wounds. All time does is make the pain easier to bare, because it will never truly ever go away. The city is quieter than usual today. That may only be my own perception because I so desperately wish I had the opportunity to visit my Dad for brunch and tell him how much I miss him. I suppose I just have to settle for sobbing on my bathroom floor whispering through each tear "I miss you so much." I do miss him so much. 

   I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet. 

   While everyday is unknown, I can pinpoint the few days in the year that I know without a shadow of a doubt I will have a hard time getting through. Father's Day is one of them. The weeks leading up to today don't help either. Mass marketing is a bitch. With the week I've had, it hasn't made today any easier. 

I'm going to try and celebrate the male figures I do have in my life though. Like:

   Scott... The man who I look up to more than anyone in the world and knows all there is to know about anything. (I would never tell him that though, shhh) His happiness means more to me than my own, his love I know is unconditional, and if I'm ever in any kind of doubt, I know where to go. Thank you for always challenging me. 

   Jeff... Him, and his pup both have my heart. If I'm ever at a loss for where I belong in life at any given time, I'm assured without even needing to ask that I am a part of this family. A pseudo daughter if you will. We'll always share a love for anything coffee or wine related... and memories of being venturied. (Is that a word?) Thank you for loving me.

And lastly... 

   Steve... My pop's oldest and best friend. The love I have for this man is uncanny. I could sit for hours upon hours and just listen to how wonderful a person my father really was. Steve... Words can't even explain what having you in my life still, means. Thank you for making me feel close to my Dad when I need it most.

   So today, let's celebrate and appreciate the three most important men in my life, and all the important men in yours. This is for all the wonderful Dad's and step Dad's out there. For all the Dad's to be and all the Dad's that once were. For all the Son's and Daughters who have lost their Dad's and all the Dad's who lost a child that would love anything more than to give them a warm embrace on this sunny day. Lastly, this is for my Pops. Today, today I am going to celebrate you more than anyone. Today I will love you more than I did yesterday and I will smile for you through tears. Today I will miss you and hurt for you. Today I will do better for you and try to make you proud. Today I will replay "Bittersweet Symphony" in my head and remember you breakdancing to it. Today I will keep you in my thoughts, and in my heart forever.  

   As it so often happens, please don't take your Dad for granted as I'm sure I did. Love him, love him more than you've loved anyone. Thank him. Tell him you appreciate him. Be patient and know that he is doing the best that he can for you. Know that no matter what, he loves you too. 

   Missing you more than ever Dad. Forever and for always, I love you. <3

Such an old picture, I wasn't even born when it was taken. But I love it, and his smile, and him.