I was leafing through one of my many books tonight and came across this. I wrote it last year and for reasons wasn't ready to share it. But I think I am now, simply because I haven't engaged in some of this behaviors for quite some time now.
I'm the girl who will bring you home a gift, just because; even if you may not deserve it. I'm the girl who will give you the shirt off my back if you need it. Tell you the truth no matter what and will give you love when it's called for. I'm that girl who will do everything and ask for nothing. I'm the girl who forgives always, forgets never, and gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. I'm the girl who will hug you when you're crying, laugh with you when something is funny and be straight with you when you ask.
*I'm the girl no one sees this in*
I'm the quiet girl in the corner slowly dying.
I'm the pained girl on the bathroom floor with mascara running down my face and a knife in my hand.
I'm the broken girl who can only find relief when blood is dripping from my leg.
I'm the girl who needs to hurt physically because I can't stand the hurt in my soul.
I'm the girl smiling because I don't want you to see me breaking.
I'm the liar that says "I'm getting better" "everything's great" "I'm fine, thanks", because I don't want to burden anyone with having to help me.
I'm the girl with so many ambitions that won't see the light of day because I'm too sick.
*I'm the girl no one sees this in*
*I'm the girl no one knows*
*I'm the girl who needs saving but doesn't want to be saved*
I'm that girl that you say... "Oh, ya, I remember her... I think..."
Once again your words are powerful. You speak from the heart of the despair and misery. Now it is time to leave it behind. Yes, you laid on the bathroom floor crying. Yes, you smiled but inside you were dying. Yes, you worshiped the white bowl. That was then, this is now. Whether you know it or not, everyday you get stronger. All those verbs were in the past tense. You might say, "Yes but I still do these things." You know what is real and what is an illusion. Ed is that grand deceiver in you Ego. Ed doesn't pay your bills does he?
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