I feel if for a few minutes it was possible to silence the world around us, our insecurities would still be what was screaming in our ears without the outside noise validating our every negative thought. We are, after all, essentially our own worst critics, so once you add in all that we witness or hear we tend to doubt ourselves more often in a day then we praise ourselves. Now fill in all that silence with Magazines, Print Ads, Billboards, Retail Stores, Radio, TV, Co-workers, Relatives, Parents, Spouses, School, Work, Friends, Enemies and Strangers... In a simple, single day, all of these make us take a look back at ourselves and question... Am I good enough...? As if women (yes men too) aren't exposed and knocked down ten notches on the daily, the message we are sending to our youth is unbearably disgusting.
I've had a pretty difficult few days so this afternoon when I decided to walk into La Senza with a girlfriend, I should have listened to that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and turned right around. Unfortunately I'm no good at listening to myself and, well, I needed new underwear. Scanning through the store I noticed a common theme. The most widely accessible sizes on the walls, racks, and tables, were the smallest size with a bigger bust. "Normal" "Average" or "Bigger" were all stuck in drawers. Being use to things like this, I was trying my hardest to look past this detail. Then I noticed that 50% of the sizes that were out were a 30A. A size that I'm fairly certain did not even exist six months ago. I typically steer clear of underwear shopping so my timeline COULD be slightly incorrect. But I doubt it. Regardless, such a size would NATURALLY only fit a small undeveloped child of about ten, or... A person with an eating disorder. The question immediately on my mind to La Senza was; are they promoting child sexism or anorexia. Call me crazy but neither target market is proper. No 12 year old in my opinion needs a sexy lace push up bra. Encouraging such is encouraging children to be sexy women, not children. Since when are children suppose to be sexy? We need to teach these girls to be strong with their minds, education, drive, and ambition. That sex isn't the most important thing. More importantly, it teaches young boys to treat women as sex objects, and gives them a view of women that is so far from what it should be.
Secondly, if the target isn't young children (really, that may be giving La Senza too much credit) then we are telling women they need to be this thin. Any woman who walks into that store who is healthy will question if that is how small she should be. A girl walking into that store in recovery from an eating disorder or still suffering, an unhealthy size like this is going to keep them sick or revert them back to old tendencies. Maybe I'm speaking too boldly, that not every woman in the world is so easily influenced, but so so many of us are.
Further into the store I came across a highly suggestive picture of a model who couldn't have been older than 14 on a bed in pigtails and lingerie with a popsicle in her mouth and another sucking icing off her finger. Sorry, La Senza, but my giving you the benefit of the doubt that young girls aren't being sexually exploited in your store, came to a quick end right there.
So I have to ask, with all the pressure from the media that women need to be skinny to be beautiful, sexy to be adored, over the top to be seen; where are the warnings? People buy cigarettes with graphic warnings on the label about the effects of smoking. On the label of diet pills and ads are they going to let girls know the consequence of trying to be "perfect"?
WARNING: taking such diet pill, dieting, and forcing yourself to be "perfect" will cause depression, anxiety, obsession, addiction, severe self harm, and an abundance of hate for yourself. Participating in anorexic and bulimic behaviours will leave you with no friends, no life. You will become consumed and think of nothing but being pretty, skinny and perfect. You will become so deprived on everything you need it will be all you think about. In the end you will die because you killed yourself or your eating disorder did. Please take with caution. And remember... Smile so no one knows how sad you are.
It's all been so glamourized that no one thinks about or mentions the disturbing consequences. I speak so passionately about this because I don't think anyone should go through what I do every day. It's not worth it... It's just not. I have young female cousins that are subjected to this all the time and I can't bare the thought of them turning out like me. I'll fight tooth and nail for things to change for them.
Upon leaving the store and going to work... A co worker called me fat. Because people think that's funny to do. I walked home, and with every other step I took I told myself to purge. And with the other steps, I told myself no. After forcing the food I didn't want to see again down, I fought myself not to. But I had to. I had to feel better, to rid myself of the pain I felt today. Of the anger I have for society. Upon finishing dinner I read this...
Lady Gaga, a former sufferer of bulimia, with a huge following, tweets "just killed back to back spin classes. Eating a salad, dreaming of a cheeseburger. #popstarsdonteat #iwasbornthisway"
...and I knew that second my faith in society was gone for the day. The battle in my head was over and so was my month of "hard work".
...it felt like the first time I had ever purged again. It felt glorious and horrible. It felt so so right and so wrong. It felt like Ed in my soul.
It felt like love.
True love.
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