Ya, This Happens

*~*a classic common dialogue between Ed & I*~*

Yesterday I worked a busy shift, running around sweating my balls off, (if I had any) in the mild heat we did have. Until the end of my shift at 1130pm, I really had barely consumed anything all day. So I ordered food... To go. Ed disapproved.

Ed- you better not eat that. You've done so well all day.

Me- I'm hungry Ed, I'll eat half of it at home. I'm going to die if you don't let me eat.

Ed- you'll get fat, don't eat that.

*i ate it. half of it at work actually.*

When I got home...

Ed- you better not eat the rest of that. You foolishly made plans to go for breakfast tomorrow morning. You probably shouldn't go anymore.

*so i ate the other half*

Ed- okay, now you definitely can't go for breakfast tomorrow. Look at you, I can see the meal on your hips already. Do you feel better?

Me- no actually, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Ed- you're not going tomorrow.

Me- I have to Ed, I made plans. I actually single handedly made these plans myself. I have to go. I'll just have coffee.

Ed- fine.

*when I woke up this morning I still felt full from the meal last night. I wasn't going to go, but really, I did make the plans. I had to go, I wasn't letting Ed win this morning. So I went, and I ate.*

Ed- you don't get it do you. You're too fat, you shouldn't be eating that. You're going to regret this, because I'm going to make you.

And by fat I mean...

~I'm really frustrated that I'm not better yet~

Me- I'm going to yoga later, I had to eat or I wouldn't make it through the class.

Ed- you better go work out before yoga or you'll look disgusting in those clothes.

And by disgusting I really mean...

~I keep attracting and allowing shitty relationships into my life. I need to be better so I can do better~

*so I did. I went home and jumped roped for 30 minutes. And then I danced for an hour and a half.*

Me- I shouldn't have done that. I'm going to eat something small and take the subway up.

Ed- no you're not.

Me- i'll walk home Ed, it's hot yoga, I gotta make it through the class.

Ed- you can take the subway home, promise. But you have so much time before class, you have to walk.

*so two hours before my class I walked there... The long way. An hour and a half later, I arrived, sweating and hungry and anxious*

Me- I shouldn't go in. You're in my head too much today. And I'm hungry, I'm really not going to make it through this class I don't think.

Ed- you'll make it through, I promise. And hey, I think maybe you kinda sorta look skinnier then you did earlier. You should work out some more. ***snickers behind devious smile***

Me- k, but stay outside. I need peace from you for an hour and a half.

Ed- only if you go in now

Me- my class doesn't start for another 30 min. It's too hot. I'm not making it through this class.

*so I went and laid in the heat for 30min prior to my class. I didn't bring Him in with me, so many people were in and out, He must have snuck in. I couldn't concentrate on a single thing, I couldn't hear the instructor. It was Him, His voice, Loud in my hear, taunting me.
...I didn't make it through the class*

Me- see, I told you...

Ed- that's your own fault, you were doing so great, I thought for sure you could do it. Don't blame me for your incompetence.

While kneeling on the bathroom floor trying not to puke or pass out...

Me- shut up Ed.

*foolishly thinking I could take the subway home, I was so disappointed in myself for not completing the class, I walked another hour and a half home. Sweaty, ugly and fat.

And by fat I mean...

~I think I'm really worried about my mom~

The entire, long, gross walk home he was walking beside me.

Ed- you should run home.

Me- I have a yoga mat, a purse with TWO towels in it among other things, and a water bottle. How about YOU run home, I'll meet ya there.

Ed- no really, I think you should run, it'll make up for lost yoga time. I promise you'll feel better.

Me- Ed, I still feel like I'm going to puke

Ed- well, if you had of stuck out the class, you could have taken the subway home. You did this to yourself.

Me- ya right you would have let me. How about I walk really quickly and you shut the hell up for 20 minutes.

*i walked a pace so fast I was trying to escape from someone. If I didn't have all my stuff I would have ran. I was trying to escape Him but man can that guy keep up. Every 30 seconds he assured me that I'm so fat I'll never get the things I want in life.*

And by fat I really mean...

~I'm scared my hard work in school and life right now isn't going to get me where I want to be. I'm terrified I'll never be good enough.~

*i eventually made it home and hopped in the shower. I blasted Adele to drown out the obnoxious sounds of Him and belted out lyrics that all too closely relate to my relationship with Him.*

Ed- what's the text say?

Me- don't worry about it...

*i was suppose to go out tonight, with a guy I'm really into. My response to an inquiry of if I'm coming was, "not likely"*

And by not likely I mean...

~I'm too fat.~

And by I'm too fat I REALLY mean...

~...I'd love to but you're no good for me, and I've had enough of no good for me for today.~

Ed- I think you should go...

Me- I think maybe you should go fuck yourself.

*so I put on the cutest pair of PJ's I could find to make myself feel a little better, made a coffee... And wrote...*